you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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