nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
