what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
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