I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
