Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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