No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
