all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
