just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
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