I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
