Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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