I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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