the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Everyone says I win the strip club
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize