Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
