These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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