she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
