i wish my penis had a tongue
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
