You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize