My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
