Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
