I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
