My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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