Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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