I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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