Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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