that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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