is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
