my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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