Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Ambien. No doubt about it.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
