billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I intend to get homeless drunk
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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