5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
