Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
