is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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