Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
