please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
