Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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