508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
