i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
