why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She announced her abortion via fbk
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
