Can i not drive my cunt home
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
