So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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