we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
