Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
