Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Randomize
