Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
