ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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