I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
