you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
