My room smells like vodka and shame
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
