We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
