Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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