you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
