Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
