Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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