So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
