pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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