I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
