this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
