life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We have started to decorate penises.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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