dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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