You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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