this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
