You really coming over, don't trick.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
