Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
