Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
