I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
