He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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