the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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