you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Hippo gnu deer
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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